Christmas Time

It is already December and I can't believe how quickly this year has flown by!  I am in the midst of Christmas shopping, decorating and party planning.  It has been a whirlwind of a year so why should it end any differently?!? 

So first things first, I am obsessed with Rudolph.  Not just any Rudolph, THE Rudolph.  I remember watching it when I was a kid and then turning that into an all out craze when I met Becky who shares my passion for Rudy, Clarice, and the Bumble.  We now buy each other as much "Rudy" paraphernalia as we can get our hands on.  (And yes, we do realize we will one day be crazy old ladies with a ridiculous collection of Rudolph toys)

This is the stocking she bought me year 1 of our Rudolph adventure, his nose used to light up...

This is her collection.  I may have given her the big Rudolph who says "She thinks I'm cute, I'm CUUTTEEE."  We might have colored in that coloring book, peed our pants a little when we bought the movie and watched the "Bumble" grow three times his size when you put him in water.  We are obsessed...

Anyways, I also love normal Christmas decorations.  We bought our tree and decorated it (and by we I mean I decorated it while Jason worked on the backyard.  I am still trying to get him to love the holidays as much as I do)

I am also in love with all things sparkly, hence glitter covering almost every ornament

Ah, got this cute little guy at Michael's on Thanksgiving night... love, love, love.

 "And the stockings were hung on the new mantle with care..."

(I am in search of new stockings, preferably ones with fur or sparkle)

And it is not Christmas to me without "creepy Santa."

I painted this guy in 1988 with my mom.  At four years old, I guarantee you I was not that great of a painter but my wonderful mom let me take all of the credit for this guy.  I got to proudly hang it year after year in our house, he was MY Santa.  When Jason and I moved into our house, that was one of the first gifts she gave us.  Jason thinks he is creepy but it brings back wonderful Christmas memories for me.

And on that note, this Holiday Season has been a real struggle for me.  It is the first Christmas I will spend without my mom.  I have always been in love with all things Christmas but this year feels heavy.  That is the best way I can describe my grief at this point, heavy.  Imagine wearing a weighted backpack and letting out all of your breath.  Your shoulders hunch over and you feel deflated, you feel heavy.  That is the underlying emotion of this season for me.  I am filled with excitement for starting our own Christmas traditions and sorrow that they no longer will involve my mom. 

I am determined to keep traditions my family has had for years, things my mom instilled in us.  Every year she threw a Christmas party specifically for her friends who had no where to go, she made sure my brother, sister and I always had the same amount of presents, she always bought our dogs gifts even when money was tight.  We ate cinnamon rolls in our pj's every Christmas morning and took time as a family together before we all rushed off to jobs, other Christmas celebrations or whatever.  She made sure family was important, even if that family sometimes included friends who needed a family.

I know I am not the only one mourning the loss of a loved one during the holidays, or really any day for that matter.   Unfortunately life keeps moving whether you want it to or not so I will try my best to still love Christmas.  I may cry a little (lot) more this year, my excitement may be a bit less but I know my mom made Christmas special every year for us so I will try to pass that on to others I love.  Wishing you all a great holiday season and there will be plenty of booze at my house if anyone needs a good cry!  :)